Growing up, I remember watching the cartoon He-man. It was an amazing cartoon of good overcoming bad. The prince had the ability to transform into the hero and it was during that transformation that the well-known catch phrase for the show was given. “I have the power!”
Unlike this cartoon, marriage is meant to be a matter of shared power. We read in the scriptures, “We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.” (D&C 121:39)
Being a parent is a shared experience and the role of father is incomplete without the role of mother, and vice versa. Neither role is more important than the other. As such, both participants should have equal power within the relationship.
Too many times, one or the other spouse has more control than the other and the marriage becomes lopsided and skewed. Feelings of confusion and resentment manifest themselves. Instead of being united in their decisions, one feels superior and the other feels abused and could potentially seek to thwart the action decided upon.
“They [husbands and wives] should be one in harmony, respect, and mutual consideration. Neither should plan or follow an independent course of action. They should consult, pray, and decide together” (Marion G. Romney, Ensign, March 1978, pp. 2–4).
In the classic Jimmy Stewart movie, Mr. Hobbs Takes A Vacation, Jimmy and his wife are entertaining their son-in-laws potential boss and his wife. They go overboard on the idea of never having an independent course of action, but taking out the ridiculousness of this particular scene, keeping the harmony, respect and mutual love in a marriage has been formulated with simple suggestions. Talk together about the day, the issues, the concerns, the joys and triumphs. Pray together and include what you’ve talked about in the prayer. Council together on the answers you each felt in conjunction with the prayer. The Spirit is strong when accessed the way the Lord’s church government was set up. The Spirit will not lead you astray.
Cultivate activities that you enjoy together, and teach them to your children. Spend time together without children, and also time one-on-one with each child. Show only respect towards your spouse in public and don’t share faults or disappointments about your spouse to others. Praise your spouse in front of children, friends, and even your spouse. Remember the idea that Goethe gave, “If you treat a person as they should be, they will become that person.”
When you don’t understand your spouse, pray for understanding and ask your spouse to help you see their point. Always give words of love and appreciation with the idea that it takes five positive comments to negate one negative comment. This alone can make great strides in your marriage unity, when both spouses are so focused on the positive that they don’t see the negative anymore.
Power is a product of control and dominion over another. Marriage is not meant to be one of master and servant. Marriage is meant to be two coming together to form an even greater one. What kind of masterpiece will your two parts combine to make?
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