It is true, that a good marriage should mean a safe harbor from the world, but it should also be one of the most cherished and precious relationships because of this. Just as with fine crystal, if you ignore it, the dust will dim its luster and if you are careless with it, when dropped it shatters, often beyond repair. But we can make this relationship one that is cherished and kept precious, starting today. We make these changes through grace and mercy.
Grace
Grace means elegance or beauty of form, manner or action. Within a marriage relationship, this means that our actions, words and thoughts need to be full of elegance and beauty. Coming into a situation with the idea of elegance and beauty, you are already establishing a pattern of taking a higher road. When both spouses approach with this same foundation, then hearts are gentle and open to understanding the other. It is then that full pictures can be seen and options become evident that alone, were hidden.
But grace also means favor or goodwill. Has there been a time when you purposefully wanted to hurt your spouse? When that happens, do you understand why you have this desire? Often times, when I find myself treading this path, it is because of my own pride. I need to be right. Thomas S. Monson admonished us "never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved" (Finding Joy in the Journey). When looking at the issues, is it more important than the person you felt so strongly about as to connect your life to theirs? Remembering the love that began your relationship helps to make you willing to put aside your pride or selfishness and listen to your spouse.
Grace also means clemency, pardon and temporary immunity. Many times we see our spouse doing something we don't understand and find annoying, or hurtful. But having this grace means reserving judgment and conclusions. It means giving the benefit of the doubt and asking for understanding. Perhaps they don't recognize what their actions are causing and by tempering your own reactions, you allow for a flow of communication that responding in anger would cut-off.
Some of the synonyms for grace include: glorify, elevate, exalt, enhance, honor, forgive, charity, mercy, kindness, love and benignity. These are all worthy words to have describing one's behavior and character. Thumper's mother cautioned him, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." I am not advocating stonewalling, or the silent treatment, but I am advocating the practice of the golden rule. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." When you act with grace, you open the way for your spouse to choose grace as well.
Mercy
Mercy is compassion and benevolence. It is something we give even when it is undeserved. We are all in need of mercy as we each make mistakes every day. We have the supreme example of mercy through Jesus Christ. With His Atonement, we are able to repent of our sins and through His mercy have justice satisfied. This is more than we deserve or could do alone.
Within our marriages, we need to show mercy when our spouses make mistakes. Of course they will, just as we will. But as we show mercy, empathizing with them, our marriages can be made stronger. We do this by being kind and forgiving.
These are not traits that come easily as we've been conditioned by life to take care of ourselves first and fight for our stances. But these are traits that will begin us on a journey of love and fulfillment in marriage. And just as a side note, as well as employing these traits for our spouses, we need to employ them for ourselves as well. We need to be merciful and show grace for our own foibles. We all make mistakes, but negativity only prolongs the recovery.
No comments:
Post a Comment