Why is Marriage Important?

I was raised to believe that marriage was the ideal end. It was a promise made between a man, a woman and, ideally, God. It was the place to create and raise additional beings. But what was traditionally taught has come under attack in the last several decades.

More and more people are confused and undecided on what "marriage" really is. They wonder why it is important and what makes it binding? The controversy is pervasive and globally debated. As much as I still believe that what I was taught as a child is the truth, I can understand the confusion and hurt that this debate is raising.

Having many single, gay and liberal friends and family, I recognize the desires they have and for the most part, those desires are not to be harmful, but to provide what they feel is the best solutions for everyone around them. They raise valid points of concern on the limitations that such a narrow definition of marriage brings to extenuating circumstances. They provide examples of successful exceptions to the rule. And in my love, I can't help but feel understanding and even hopeful.

But these are statistically exceptions and are not typical results.

Contract

 I believe that most people can get behind the idea that a marriage is a kind of contract. In essence, a contract is a promise, but one that can be legally broken.

In ages past, a handshake, or one's word, would be enough to solidify a contract or promise. And these promises were considered sacred and binding. One would never consider breaking that promise as it tainted that one's ability to make any additional contracts. It was a matter of survival for each to be upstanding in fulfilling what had been agreed upon.

However, over time we've lost the need to rely upon others for survival and the contract became flimsier and flimsier. What once was unbreakable steel, now is crepe paper. Just as divorce was once nearly impossible to attain, no-fault-divorce makes a marriage contract literally made of paper with no additional results or penalties.

Binding

So why is it important that a marriage be binding? Shouldn't we be able to love who we want and if that changes, we move to the next love? Aren't we supposed to be happy?

These questions are compelling and would on the surface seem to make sense. But statistically, those that move from one relationship to another, don't find themselves happy. Their overall happiness is less than those that stay committed to their first marriage spouse.

Not only is their happiness diminished with each additional move, but their overall well being takes a dive. Their self-esteem lowers, their health worsens, and their feeling of fulfillment dwindles. They don't feel better, they feel unsatisfied and tend to move on to another relationship even more quickly.

In contrast, a couple that encounter difficulties in their marriage, but find ways to work through the rough patches, tend to have a stronger relationship and greater feelings of happiness. Their overall health is better as well as having a higher level of economic prosperity.

But it's not all about the couple in the relationship. In most marriages, children are part of the equation. Taking what we know about the individual results of marriages that stay together and those that pull apart, we have to assume that there are corresponding results for children within the unit.

Children

Unlike the adults, children are not privy to most of the details leading up to the dissolution of a marriage. Often times, they look to themselves and wonder what they have done to cause the breakup of the family. They are confused, hurt and their self-esteem plummets. This brings on guilt and anger. The resulting statistic have been overwhelmingly confirmed.

The Statistics for Children

(I will keep these as simple and brief as I can.)

Children born into the traditional two parent heterosexual marriage are...

          1. five times less likely to live in poverty and commit crime.
          2. nine times less likely to drop out of school.
          3. twenty times less likely to end up in prison.
          4. less likely to have behavioral problems.
          5. less likely to run away from home.
          6. less likely to become teenage parents themselves.

These are only a few of the statistics that have been researched. There are many more!

Redefining Marriage

What happens with the redefining of a marriage? As well as the reasons stated above for the benefits of a heterosexual marriage, redefining marriage will and already are impeding on the rights we fought so hard to win as we formed this nation.

The freedom of speech is being drastically censored. Although it is the right for those against traditional marriage to speak, and even scream, their beliefs, when the opposite view is given, it is tainted as prejudice and linked to images of intolerance.

The freedom of religion is being eroded. Churches are being told they must allow and participate in things that are contrary to their moral standing. Essentially, they are being told that they can't believe what they do or there will be serious consequences.

These are only two examples of what is and will continue to occur with the redefinition of what marriage is. How much harm will we do to ourselves, our children and our future in the name of silence and tolerance?